I Am Not a God Project

"What did you say?" I quizzed God when during my prayer time I heard Him distinctly say, "You are not my special project."

His words came in response to a patterned prayer I pray each day, asking God to help me become a better person. Well, that's a good prayer, right? So exactly why was God giving me a hard time, anyway?

He repeated to me. "Your life is not the object of my special Spriritual Improvement Program." I guess He wanted to make sure He had my attention and that I was hearing what He had to say.

"What!?!" I asked again, getting all scriptural on Him. "How about what YOU said, eh? That part about He who has begun a good work in you, etc. etc, etc..., eh, what about that? Are you saying you're quitting on me? Not getting pushy here, just think it bears asking."

"No" He replied patiently. "I am not quitting on you. Neither am I here this morning to prune your dead branches off. I am not here to shine you up into something beautiful. I am not here to beat up on you. I am NOT here to put you on my potter's wheel, destroy you and remake you into something else?"

"Wait those are all images right straight out of your word. So, excuse me," I questioned, "if I'm getting a little confused about this, please. If I am not your special spiritual improvement project then what exactly am I to you, anyway?"

"You," He said so very carefully, "are the object of my affection. You are the person in whom I delight. You are the one whose company I enjoy just because it is YOU talking to me. You see when I look at you, I see the person I am excited to be spending time with."

Tears are now rolling down my cheeks and I'm a little overwhelmed by what the Creator of Everything has just said to me. "Thank you" I utter under my breath, truly feeling blessed.

I take a deep breath. You see, I am a very stubborn woman, so I press on. "OK, Father. I appreciate your love. But... if I am ever to reflect your image, how is that going to happen if you don't beat me up a bit now and then and prune away the debris out of my life that keeps me from being like you? If you don't do that, who does?"

He smiled at me. "What I want you to see today, is what I see when I look at you. I don't see blemishes and imperfections. I see a woman whose heart is, in this moment reaching out to spend time with me. This makes me so very happy and I am just enjoying this time with you."

"Thank you. Thank you!" I mumble humbly. "That's good to hear, and it makes me feel good. I appreciate your love and I appreciate your delight in me. But, Father, forgive my doggedness. If I am not YOUR project, whose project am I, then? How am I ever to become all you want me to be?"

"You" He said, "are your very own special spiritual improvement project."

"What!!!" I exclaimed quite loudly. "I can't clean me up, really, I can't do this."

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..." He waited a moment. "You're right you can't. But when you honestly seek to see yourself through my eyes and ask for my help, you then choose how much you want pruned, cut away and remade. You see each step of this process is done only when you choose to make changes. You control everything by the choices you make."

"Wow!" I take a deep breath then exhale it slowly, "wheh! That's pretty heavy stuff, you know."

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..."

"That means, I am responsible for my walk with you. I am responsible for How much of you I reflect in my life, I AM responsible for whether or not I am to become like you. My Christian walk, my Christian maturity... that's all up to me and whether or not I choose to listen to your voice, be obedient to you and walk according to your Word!"

"Yep" you got it." He smiled at me.

"But Father, I don't know if I can handle this. I rather liked the idea that I place everything in your hands and you just fix me up the best you can. Now you're telling me that if I am to be fixed up, ultimately, it's all up to me."

"That's right." He continued, "and I know you are ready to hear this. I see you growing as we spend this time together. And I am right here to help you, always, every bit of the way."

"Thanks." and I finally really smiled, " thanks... I appreciate your love and you taking the time to have this little chat with me. So, now please today, help me be obedient to your voice and help me choose each moment to reflect your love and beauty to a world that is hurting. I choose to be like you. Help me be faithful to this choice I am making right now and help me always be faithful to you."

"I love you, unconditionally" My Father said, "No matter where you are in this little ongoing process we have. I love you just the way you are, I accept you, just the way you are."

He then smiled at me again and laughingly said, "Now, hasn't this been fun?"

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" I said, "always a joy to hang out with you, Big Guy, and thanks. I love you too."